Once again, my word for the year is approaching me in a (I suspect deceptively) gentle way. No flashing marquis, no fanfare. A gentle but firm hand on my shoulder, a whisper.
Garden seedlings and other tiny things need tending to be given the best chance of success.
In the fallout of my divorce (and radical life changes that went with it), I stopped giving attention to everything but basic survival. If I was still breathing and still had electricity and food, I considered my goal for the day met. The details of running my own business, the small gestures that reinforce personal relationships, the elements of care toward self and others that create a thriving life instead of a survived one…all of these and more went ignored as I focused on making it to the next day. As a result, those areas of my life stagnated. Self-care must be paramount now. Rather than surviving each day, I must refocus on living.
I want to tend the wounds left as best I can.
As we heal and new skin grows, it is said to be tender: vulnerable and fragile to the touch; easily damaged.
A lot in my life feels tender right now. I know I’m healing, I know that my new life is precious and will be more than I could ever plan for, but I still ache. I can’t yet see the big picture, so the best I can do is focus on the very tiny ones, to do something every day that reinforces the healing places.
I want to tend to the frayed edges of my life.
A rope was cut, and now there are pieces sticking out at the ends in all directions. My family, my friendships, my career… one at a time, I want to bring them into order, to restore and condition them, to make them stronger. This can’t be done in one swift move – it requires time and continual attention. It will take many small gestures rather than grandiose proclamations. It requires following through, checking-in, evaluation and care.
I feel like all of these things, in a way — a rope, a wound, a seedling. Exposed to the world and in need of tending.
But I’m also the rope-maker, the healer, the gardener. I am the one responsible for my own growth and happiness. I am the one who will bring myself back into the world, gently, carefully, and with intention.
[photo by –Tico–]
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