Now, I have lots of experience auditioning for things. I did theatre as a kid and into my early 20s, and learned long ago that someone telling you you aren’t right for the part doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing – it means you aren’t right for this specific part in this specific production. So, I wasn’t worried about rejection or falling on my face or anything like that. I had a decent idea of what to expect.

What I didn’t expect was to see hundreds and hundreds of people lined up that I’d never seen before. I’ve been a part of the music scene in Atlanta for awhile, and I thought there would be at least a few other pros showing up for fun or to take a shot at getting on the show. I’m sure some of them did show up, and it was just at one of the other audition times, but I still thought I’d run into someone I recognized from playing out in town. Most people that I talked to there were just regular folks who love to sing, and had little to no experience performing.

Now, this struck me, not because I think only professionals should audition for stuff like this (far from it!), but because of the conversations I was overhearing and participating in. Dozens of the other people waiting in various lines with me were talking about auditioning for all kinds of shows – American Idol, The Voice, America’s Got Talent, X Factor, etc. and many of them had auditioned several times for these shows.  And yet, they still weren’t performing anywhere otherwise.

They were treating these shows like they were the one shot they’d have at being a real singer.

They were waiting for some producer on a reality show contest to tell them it was ok for them to sing.

These weren’t people without talent – even just warming up in the hallways, they sounded beautiful. Many of them could easily get jobs somewhere in the entertainment industry…but something has made them believe that this is the only way to do it, and if it doesn’t work this way, they just need to quit.

Who are you waiting for? 

The only person who needs to validate your dream is YOU. There isn’t a single successful person out there who hasn’t been rejected, told no, told they are talentless hacks… what makes them successful isn’t that they are better than everyone else, but that they worked their butts off and never quit.

When someone rejected them, they tried again.

When they didn’t do as well as they wanted, they trained harder and tried again.

When they were told no, they learned from the experience and tried again.

They didn’t wait for validation to do what they loved. They did it anyway.

Whose permission are you waiting for? There’s only one person who can give it to you.

I hear ya. I have been there.  And I want to help you.

If you really want to be in this program, then I really want you to be in it, too.  That’s why I’m offering a scholarship program.

Just fill out the form below and I’ll send you the application. It’s just a few (easy!) questions so I can get to know you a bit, no algebra required. Fill out the application, then get it back to me by MAY 16th.

TWO winners will be announced on MAY 20th.

Again, if you really feel like you need this boost to your creative life and just can’t swing the cash right now, please apply. You never know – you might just win it!

Yes! Send me the Camp Wannamakee Scholarship Application!

Just fill out this teeny form and I'll send you the application questions. Good luck!

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In honor of the “Spring Forward” on our clocks this weekend, I wanted to offer one reader a chance to spring forward with a writing project.

My dear friend Sara Blackthorne (of A Forest of Stories) is leading a six-week intensive writing course called Blossom from the Heart, which is sure to be an incredibly rewarding experience for anyone with an idea that’s been germinating.

The course is “designed to help us connect with the kernel of truth in our hearts and blossom from that place of knowing and wisdom.” Doesn’t that sound delicious??

Here’s some info about Sara in her own words:

I’m a writer, editor, dreamer, and cheerleader for women who are interested in telling their story to the world. Sometimes this is women who have been writing for years, but more often it is women who have never dared to call themselves a writer. I love encouragement, excitement, and enthusiasm and share them all with the people I am lucky to work with. When I teach, I engage the whole person in the process: we look at our beliefs, our opinions, and our secrets to tap into the core of our amazing beings. I believe that we each can connect to our unique, authentic voices and find a place for them in the world. Blossom from the Heart is just one part of the journey to that authentic voice. Using writing exercises, creative adventures, and personal inquiry we can connect to our center and speak and write from that place of clarity and wisdom. I feel blessed to be sharing this work with the world, and I love the new people and ideas that my workshops introduce to me!

You can find me online at A Forest of Stories (http://www.forestofstories.com/) where I write about the journey and the process (and share some documentary photography), and Poached Kumquats for Dinner (http://poachedumquats.wordpress.com/), where I write about my own journey in a personal fashion. Drop me a note (http://www.forestofstories.com/contact/) or shoot me a mention @sarablackthorne, I would LOVE to hear from you!

 

Blossom from the Heart begins on March 21st and runs through May 1st.

If it sounds like just the thing you’ve been waiting for to get your project going, leave a comment on this entry and tell me a bit about what a course like Blossom from the Heart could do for you.

I will choose one commenter randomly on Thursday, March 17th to win full registration in the course!

(March 17th seemed like a good day for someone to feel lucky.)

Happy Commenting!

I can’t wait to send one of you on this little journey.

Even after the first lesson and call, I feel such kinship with my fellow students and with the material.  I’m so glad to have discovered Jill Badonsky and her methods.  All of it resonates with me so deeply, and in a way that a lot of other training courses and books on “creativity” haven’t done – partly because the materials themselves are works of creative art instead of dry “how-to” manuals.  There are fun illustrations, great quotes, silly phrases and exercises, and beautiful insights.

The call ended around 9:30pm my time, and even though under normal circumstances I’d be heading to bed around 10pm, I was so “buzzed” from excitement that I couldn’t sleep.  I read through the course materials online, checked out the message boards, re-read a chapter of the companion book… I have to say, it has been a long time since I’ve been eager to do homework!

I am already chomping at the bit to share this material with others because it’s done a lot for me in a very short time.  I’ll be sure to let you in on how the adventure is going. 

No fireworks, no grand visions of expansion and explosive wealth.  At first, I didn’t want to admit that this small little thing was actually my word.  It wasn’t fancy.  It didn’t imply that I would be rolling in money by the end of the year.  It didn’t instantly propel me toward massive overhaul of the Self. Also, it did not make me want to do jumping jacks or yoga.  What good was it, anyway?

So I tried, for a couple of weeks, to make other words “the word.”  I wrote about them in my journal, I thought Big Thoughts about them, tried to make them fit.  None of that worked, because this other one just kept padding around the kitchen in the middle of the night, making itself tea and generally getting comfortable despite my protests.

I should know better, by now, than to try to choose my word for the year.  Instead, I finally released control over it and allowed this sweet, soft thing to claim me:

Bare, it whispered.

Be bare, open yourself up and be vulnerable.

Let people know you more.

Let your work reflect who you are and not who you feel you “should” be.

Let your relationships reflect a willingness to be hurt, and thus a willingness to really be loved.

Take risks, especially the kind that will let you shed layers and masks.

So this shoeless spirit of a word has taken up residence for 2011.

Bare.

Quiet, and scary, and interesting.  I’m committing myself to it for the next 12 months and look forward to where it takes me.

Some of my friends tell me it was too cloudy here to see much, anyway.  Still, I would have preferred to experience a little bit of it.

The day so far is rainy.  We’ve lived through the incredible darkness but the sun is too shy yet to show itself.  This morning I marked the Winter Solstice with a small ritual… I made a fire out of twigs, little sticks of pine, and vines from our arbor.  First I burned some sage & cedar, and then wrote down my goals and intentions for the coming year.  I also wrote down the words I have chosen as my guiding words for the year, though really they have chosen me (and I was surprised to end up with two.)

One by one, I dropped the slips of paper into the fire and watched the smoke rise.  Some cultures believe that smoke is the visual form of prayers traveling out to God.  I hoped that was true as I watched my hopes and wishes catch, curl black, and billow up to join the clouds.

I stood in the faint drizzle in my sweatpants and boots until the fire went out, then went inside to warm up with some tea and get dressed for the day.

Every few minutes, whenever I turn my head a certain way, I catch the scent of smoke in my hair.

Riding in the car, I watched the tree line along the highway.  I looked at the stiff, tall trunks of pine and the gnarly bare tops of all the other trees.   It was freezing, the first day I’d actually needed a heavier coat and scarf this year.  The sky hung soft like cotton and gave a vague suggestion of snow.  That’s when I started to notice a familiar feeling sliding over me, the long and comfortable blanket of melancholy that will sit with me until Spring.

I love this time of year.

I’m not saying that I love being sad – it’s not really sadness, anyway, just quiet, reflection, rest.  Perhaps in another life I was a hibernating mammal, and this is when I look forward to slowing down and finding a cave to bed down in for a few months.  What I love is the vulnerability of the landscape.  Most trees have lost their leaves, the grasses have turned brown, the fruit and color of the natural world are gone.  The same species that only weeks ago were practically shouting “Notice me!” have gone suddenly silent.  All that’s visible now are the most basic elements, the bone structure of the world.  No flair, no pomp, only the most basic parts of themselves show.  If I thought a tree could feel exposed, I would admire its bravery.   How can I be like that?

So the melancholy I feel each Winter is welcomed.  I want to deconstruct myself and remember my bones.  I want to release the parts that are showy and proud, and allow myself to be vulnerable – to love, to risk, to change.   I want to know and love the parts of me that get covered up, so that they might be known by others.   If I have been a bear in a cave, and now I am a woman in a car, perhaps one day I can be a tree in Winter.

*lovely photo courtesy of Bindu Wiles

My intentions last December were:

to nourish my body.

I have developed a more loving relationship with my body and started paying better attention to what it needs.  I was already eating pretty healthy food, but I’ve taken it to a different level with eating more intuitively and eating more frequent, smaller meals.  I no longer feel hungry all the time or develop strong cravings very often.  A couple of weeks ago, I did have some strong cravings – for salad!  I didn’t used to enjoy salads at all and now they are a treat.  That’s a huge step for me.

I get much more sleep than I used to, and more regular sleep.  It’s easier for me to get up before dawn that it was before.   I take walks at lunchtime by myself and enjoy the solitude and the feel of my legs moving me along.  I enjoy accomplishing physical tasks.

to nourish my mind.

I created a beautiful home office in which I feel safe, comfortable, and inspired.  All of the tools I need are there  – my instruments, notebooks, computer, and art supplies.  I have art and gifts from friends on display and lots of natural light.  I have read more books in 2010 than I did the year before, and spend less time with Google Reader (as much as I enjoy it!).  I’ve taken two “technology detox” weeks which I realize now are absolutely necessary to my mental and creative well-being.  I have taken some interesting seminars and classes and delved deeper into subjects that interest me.  I canceled my television service.  I’ve made a conscious effort to ingest more information of quality rather than quantity. 

to nourish my relationships.

This year definitely brought more rewarding experiences with my family than any before.  I relate to them on a totally different level now and have enjoyed a lot of quality time with my immediate and extended families.  I became an aunt! I went to fewer big parties, but spent more time in small groups or one-on-one outings with friends, which allowed for deeper conversation and less reliance on alcohol to create “fun”. I felt I got to know my friends better.   I deepened my own capacity for love on many levels.   I’m learning what it is to grow in a deeply committed relationship and that has changed me for the better.

to nourish my spirit.

I took up the practice of morning pages again this year and it has been such a gift.  On days when I miss it, I definitely feel less centered and in tune with myself. I have also started meditating, though I’m not very “good at it” yet (I tend to nod off, even when I’m sitting instead of lying down!)  My daily walks are also a time for contemplation and “me-time”, and they’ve been great for my spirit as well as my body.  I’ve made some peace with the religion of my upbringing and gotten clearer about my own spiritual path.  I feel more spiritually healthy than I have in the past.

Overall, 2010 was a year of tremendous growth for me and I definitely feel that I chose the “right” word to hold close these past months.   Did you have a word this year?   If so, how has it served you?

Now is the time to start thinking about your word for next year!  I’m still contemplating mine, and just like last year, I’m sure mine will choose me rather than me choosing it.

[update: I just joined up with Reverb10 and am happy to see that this topic was the first day's prompt! I don't feel quite so behind now...]

I have a feeling that just outside the border of my comfort zone is a whole lot of opportunity for growth. If I can edge past my safe bubbles even a little bit, I think I might discover some things about myself.

One of the first “scary things” I’m going to do is publicly post some of my poetry.
I’ve put poems up for others to see in the past (in workshops, classes, and on Livejournal when I used it) but those were always closely filtered environments where I still felt pretty safe. By posting some of it here, I’ll definitely be stretching out of my bubble.

So, without further ado…(but possibly with some nailbiting and nervous twitching)…

I May Not Be A Real Poet

JULIANA FINCH

It has been brought to my attention
that I may not be a real poet.
Most of the poets I know would
describe themselves as night-owls, working
full menial days and then
burning the proverbial oil
well past dark.

Why then, my morning ritual of
coffee and a banana
and most importantly, a pen?

Certainly I am no ‘morning person’.
I would never be allowed back into smoky
poetry readings if I said out loud that
I felt my art was fueled by weeding the garden
and sunlight coming through the damp leaves
instead of vicious midnight heartbreak,
and swilling bourbon, and the stubble
on frustrated male chins.

Surely I am not so simple
as to write from my own desire
to smell the pages of a journal
at the start of each day.
What fraud!

Let me rail against injustices,
rage with the worst of nighttime rhapsodists.
Let me drink only espresso, black
and ingest only the smoke from my own
cigarettes and crawl to bed on the low mattress
in the disastrous studio
of the truly inspired.

On the other hand,
the sun has yet to stop rising
each day, the cardinals have yet
to stop hopping along the bird feeders.
Looking through the kitchen window,
I with my single morning cup
still find it worth noting.

* The Gift of Time

This will always be at the top of my list, and it’s the least expensive gift.  Most of the writers I know long for some extra time to sit and just write.  No chores, no obligations, nothing to do except their work.  If you live with a writer, you might not realize how often you’re accidentally distracting them when they’re “on a roll” just to ask a question or have them do something around the house.  Perhaps you can make a coupon (or several!) for a couple of hours of uninterrupted alone-time for your scribbling sweetheart.

* WD My Passport external hard drive

I have one of these and I absolutely love it.  In addition to an online backup, an external hard drive is a great way to protect that novel or screenplay in digital format. If your computer crashes, you’ve still got this handy drive with your files saved.  The passport is very small and light, so it’s easy to carry around and transfer files to and from different computers.   They’re also very affordable and go up in price based on storage size.

* Archie Grand Notebooks

I know I implied that notebooks are a little overdone, but I think these are just adorable.  I especially like “Poets I Met and Liked” and “Chefs I Met And Liked.”  These are a great way to keep lists or doodles, too.

*Lunch With Richard

Richard Nash has just announced he’ll be offering private consulting services in the form of a lunch date! At My Lunch With Richard,  you have 90 minutes to pick his brain about your project, independent publishing, or anything else of your choosing.  $250 is a small price to pay to talk with someone who loves good books as much as Richard does.  A great Q&A with him and three other editors from Poets & Writers earlier this year can be found here.  If you don’t live in the New York area, you can also redeem your “lunch date” via Skype.

* Funky and Creative Bookshelves

A writer is almost always a voracious reader.  When I start running out of space for all my books, my first thought is not to get rid of the books, but to buy more bookshelves!

This article has some very attractive and fun bookshelf designs.  I especially love the idea of the Bibliochaise, a bookshelf AND reading chair in one:

* A Writer’s Soundtrack

Some writers need total silence in order to get anything done, but many others have “soundtracks” for their work.  Depending on the type of project, they may need some upbeat techno, some moody pop, or straight up classical to listen while they type.  iTunes gift cards, CDs, or homemade mixes would be a welcome gift to help expand their collection of “writing music.”

* The Gift of Retreat

This one is a splurge, but if you’ve got a writer in your life who just needs that last polish on a project, or some time dedicated to work that exceeds what your alone-time coupons can provide, a trip to a writers retreat might be just the thing.    Writers conferences, workshops and retreats happen all over the world in a variety of settings, from urban gatherings to solitary cabins to horse ranches.   There’s sure to be one out there that matches your writer’s style.  Shaw Guides has an extensive list online.

In closing, one of the absolute best things you can do for your writer friends this holiday season is

*Support Them.

If they have a book, album, or chapbook out, buy it.  If you already own it, get a copy for a friend or encourage someone else to buy it.  Nothing fills a writer with warm and gooey holiday spirit like knowing the rent will get paid and that someone out there is reading.

Got other great suggestions for gifts?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments!